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"He's the baddest ass of all who ever badded an ass . . ." "Life is an adventure. Take it as it comes. Do the best with what
you're given. And above all, live it to it's fullest." "Life is too short to live it like someone else. Always be yourself.
Or I'll smack you!" "To me coming from you, friend is a four-letter word" "It really sucks when you don't matter." "Fear is the principle that preserves the community." "It'll kill you if you try to make it mean anything to anyone but
yourself." "Sometimes you just want to belong." "Common Sense is not so common." "Time is money, I have no time." "Hope is the last thing a person does before they are defeated." "Don't shit on your own couch." "Beware the fury of a patient man." I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. Dan Quayle
To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Robert Orben
To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. Quentin Crisp
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. Mark Twain
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' Ronnie Shakes
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910
If you believe everything you read, better not read. Japanese Proverb
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. Dorothy Parker
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. Elaine Boosler
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, Dorothy Parker
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. Dan Quayle
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. Bertrand Russell
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Familiarity breeds contempt--and children. Mark Twain
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987
I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. Samuel Johnson
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. Marston Bates
It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy. James Thurber
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. Richard Diran
Getting caught is the mother of invention. Robert Byrne
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. Oscar Wilde
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. A. Milne
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. Dan Quayle
There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. William James
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. George Bush
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. Unknown
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. Russell Baker
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. Aldous Huxley
I don't really trust a sane person. Lyle Alzado .
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. Greek Proverb
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Charlie McCarthy (1903 - 1978), (Edgar Bergen
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. James Thurber
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. Herman Wouk
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. Wilson Mizner
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. Voltaire
Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. Robert Anton Wilson
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. Dan Quayle
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Dave Barry
Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that! Matt Frewer, as Dr. Mike Stratford in "Doctor, Doctor"
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. John Ciardi
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. Unknown
It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life. P. D. James
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. Voltaire
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. Alan Corenk
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain
The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
The world is my lobster. Henry J. Tillman
It is better to be quotable than to be honest. Tom Stoppard
I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. Fritz Perls
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. Aldous Huxley
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. Dudley Moore
Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it. Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. Malaclypse the Younger
The most merciful thing in the world . . . is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. H. P. Lovecraft
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. W. C. Fields (1890 - 1946
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. M. Cartmill
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin)
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Soren Kierkegaard
The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. Paul Johnson
Oh, come on. If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you laugh at? Unknown, Dan Fielding in "Night Court"
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.) Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody Allen
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. Daniel J. Boorstin
If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. George Winters
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope
I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position. Pat Conroy
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. P. G. Wodehouse
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Anonymous
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. Steve Martin
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. Unknown
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. Isaac Asimov
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? James Thurber
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting. Alan Dean Foster, "To the Vanishing Point"
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. John Russell
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. Jules Renard
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. Ronald Reagan, Said during a radio microphone test, 1984
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. J.D. Salinger
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. Larry Hardiman
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Walter Bagehot
There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet. Unknown
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. Darrin Weinberg
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. George Bernard Shaw
Death. A mighty large word for so few
letters.
“Sometimes you just forget about
it, and it’s okay. Then it all comes rushing back like a bad dream.”
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